Tuesday, August 27, 2013
Letting go of the past and beginning again
♥~"Letting go of the past and beginning again, isn't forgetting the pain that was caused. It simply forgiving, moving on, living and loving again. To hold onto the hurt is to deprive yourself and someone else of a beautiful relationship.~ ♥
Sunday, August 18, 2013
Why A Man Should Never Complain.
Why A Man Should Never Complain.
A man was sick and tired of going to work every day while his wife stayed home.He wanted her to see what he went through so he prayed, "Dear Lord, I go to
work every day and put in 8 hours while my wife merely stays at home.
I want her to know what I go through, so please create a trade in our bodies.
" God, in his infinite wisdom, granted the man's wish.
The next morning, sure enough, the man awoke as a woman. He arose, cooked breakfast
for his mate, awakened the kids, set out their school clothes, fed them breakfast, packed
their lunches, drove them to school, came home and picked up the dry cleaning, took it to
the cleaners and stopped at the bank to draw out money to pay the power bill and
telephone bill, drove to the power company and the phone company and paid the bills,
went grocery shopping, came home and put away the groceries.
He cleaned the cat's litter box and bathed the dog. Then it was already 1 p.m. and he hurried
to make the beds, do the laundry, vacuum, dust, and sweep and mop the kitchen floor.
Ran to the school to pick up the kids and got into an argument with them on the way home.
Set out cookies and milk and got the kids organized to do their homework, then set up the
ironing board and watched TV while he did the ironing.
At 4:30 he began peeling potatoes and washing greens for salad, breaded the pork chops
and snapped fresh beans for supper. After supper he cleaned the kitchen, ran the dishwasher,
folded laundry, bathed the kids, and put them to bed. At 9 p.m. he was exhausted and,
though his daily chores weren't finished, he went to bed where he was expected to make love
-- which he managed to get through without complaint.
The next morning he awoke and immediately knelt by the bed and said,
"Lord, I don't know what I was thinking. I was so wrong to envy my wife's being able to stay
home all day. Please, oh please, let us trade back."
The Lord, in his infinite wisdom, replied, "My son, I feel you have learned your lesson and I
will be happy to change things back to the way they were. You'll have to wait 9 months,
though. You got pregnant last night!"
What Goes Around Comes Around
One day a man saw an old lady, stranded on the side of the road, but even in the dim light of day, he could see she needed help. So he pulled up in front of her Mercedes and got out. His Pontiac was still sputtering when he approached her.
Even with the smile on his face, she was worried. No one had stopped to help for the last hour or so. Was he going to hurt her? He didn’t look safe; he looked poor and hungry. He could see that she was frightened, standing out there in the cold. He knew how she felt. It was those chills which only fear can put in you. He said, “I’m here to help you, ma’am. Why don’t you wait in the car where it’s warm? By the way, my name is Bryan Anderson.”
Well, all she had was a flat tire, but for an old lady, that was bad enough. Bryan crawled under the car looking for a place to put the jack, skinning his knuckles a time or two. Soon he was able to change the tire. But he had to get dirty and his hands hurt.
As he was tightening up the lug nuts, she rolled down the window and began to talk to him. She told him that she was from St. Louis and was only just passing through. She couldn’t thank him enough for coming to her aid.
Bryan just smiled as he closed her trunk. The lady asked how much she owed him. Any amount would have been all right with her. She already imagined all the awful things that could have happened had he not stopped. Bryan never thought twice about being paid. This was not a job to him. This was helping someone in need, and God knows there were plenty, who had given him a hand in the past. He had lived his whole life that way, and it never occurred to him to act any other way.
He told her that if she really wanted to pay him back, the next time she saw someone who needed help, she could give that person the assistance they needed, and Bryan added, “And think of me.”
He waited until she started her car and drove off. It had been a cold and depressing day, but he felt good as he headed for home, disappearing into the twilight.
A few miles down the road the lady saw a small cafe. She went in to grab a bite to eat, and take the chill off before she made the last leg of her trip home. It was a dingy looking restaurant. Outside were two old gas pumps. The whole scene was unfamiliar to her. The waitress came over and brought a clean towel to wipe her wet hair. She had a sweet smile, one that even being on her feet for the whole day couldn’t erase. The lady noticed the waitress was nearly eight months pregnant, but she never let the strain and aches change her attitude. The old lady wondered how someone who had so little could be so giving to a stranger. Then she remembered Bryan.
After the lady finished her meal, she paid with a hundred dollar bill. The waitress quickly went to get change for her hundred dollar bill, but the old lady had slipped right out the door. She was gone by the time the waitress came back. The waitress wondered where the lady could be. Then she noticed something written on the napkin.
There were tears in her eyes when she read what the lady wrote: “You don’t owe me anything. I have been there too. Somebody once helped me out, the way I’m helping you. If you really want to pay me back, here is what you do: Do not let this chain of love end with you.”
Under the napkin were four more $100 bills.
Well, there were tables to clear, sugar bowls to fill, and people to serve, but the waitress made it through another day. That night when she got home from work and climbed into bed, she was thinking about the money and what the lady had written. How could the lady have known how much she and her husband needed it? With the baby due next month, it was going to be hard….
She knew how worried her husband was, and as he lay sleeping next to her, she gave him a soft kiss and whispered soft and low, “Everything’s going to be all right. I love you, Bryan Anderson.”
Even with the smile on his face, she was worried. No one had stopped to help for the last hour or so. Was he going to hurt her? He didn’t look safe; he looked poor and hungry. He could see that she was frightened, standing out there in the cold. He knew how she felt. It was those chills which only fear can put in you. He said, “I’m here to help you, ma’am. Why don’t you wait in the car where it’s warm? By the way, my name is Bryan Anderson.”
Well, all she had was a flat tire, but for an old lady, that was bad enough. Bryan crawled under the car looking for a place to put the jack, skinning his knuckles a time or two. Soon he was able to change the tire. But he had to get dirty and his hands hurt.
As he was tightening up the lug nuts, she rolled down the window and began to talk to him. She told him that she was from St. Louis and was only just passing through. She couldn’t thank him enough for coming to her aid.
Bryan just smiled as he closed her trunk. The lady asked how much she owed him. Any amount would have been all right with her. She already imagined all the awful things that could have happened had he not stopped. Bryan never thought twice about being paid. This was not a job to him. This was helping someone in need, and God knows there were plenty, who had given him a hand in the past. He had lived his whole life that way, and it never occurred to him to act any other way.
He told her that if she really wanted to pay him back, the next time she saw someone who needed help, she could give that person the assistance they needed, and Bryan added, “And think of me.”
He waited until she started her car and drove off. It had been a cold and depressing day, but he felt good as he headed for home, disappearing into the twilight.
A few miles down the road the lady saw a small cafe. She went in to grab a bite to eat, and take the chill off before she made the last leg of her trip home. It was a dingy looking restaurant. Outside were two old gas pumps. The whole scene was unfamiliar to her. The waitress came over and brought a clean towel to wipe her wet hair. She had a sweet smile, one that even being on her feet for the whole day couldn’t erase. The lady noticed the waitress was nearly eight months pregnant, but she never let the strain and aches change her attitude. The old lady wondered how someone who had so little could be so giving to a stranger. Then she remembered Bryan.
After the lady finished her meal, she paid with a hundred dollar bill. The waitress quickly went to get change for her hundred dollar bill, but the old lady had slipped right out the door. She was gone by the time the waitress came back. The waitress wondered where the lady could be. Then she noticed something written on the napkin.
There were tears in her eyes when she read what the lady wrote: “You don’t owe me anything. I have been there too. Somebody once helped me out, the way I’m helping you. If you really want to pay me back, here is what you do: Do not let this chain of love end with you.”
Under the napkin were four more $100 bills.
Well, there were tables to clear, sugar bowls to fill, and people to serve, but the waitress made it through another day. That night when she got home from work and climbed into bed, she was thinking about the money and what the lady had written. How could the lady have known how much she and her husband needed it? With the baby due next month, it was going to be hard….
She knew how worried her husband was, and as he lay sleeping next to her, she gave him a soft kiss and whispered soft and low, “Everything’s going to be all right. I love you, Bryan Anderson.”
Thursday, August 15, 2013
Three couples got married
Three couples got married and spent their honeymoons at the same hotel, where they were all attended to by Jeff the Bellboy.
The first man married a nurse.
Jeff showed them to their room, all the while thinking to himself, “Lucky guy! Nurses are known to be hot to trot.”The second man married a telephone operator.
Jeff showed them to their room, while thinking to himself, “Wow, he’s one lucky dude. Telephone operators have such sexy voices and once you pop that top button.. Va-voom.”The third man married a school teacher.
Jeff showed them to their room and thought to himself, “Poor sap. She may be pretty, but teachers are way too frigid.”At 5:30 the following morning, Jeff reported to work. He expected the teacher’s husband to call for breakfast any minute, but was sure the other two wouldn’t call until much later in the day.
The phone rang at 6 a.m. and it was the nurse’s husband wanting breakfast. Jeff took breakfast up to the room and when the husband opened the door, Jeff stepped back in shock. The man’s pajamas were still pressed and his hair nicely combed.
“Sir, what happened?” asked Jeff. “You married a nurse.”
“Son, don’t ever marry a nurse,” the man sourly replied. “All I heard last night was her nagging voice saying, ‘You’re not sanitary, you’re not sanitary’.”
The phone rang again at 6:30 a.m. and this time it was the telephone operator’s husband calling for breakfast. Jeff took it to the room as quickly as possible. When the man opened the door, Jeff stepped back in shock. The man’s hair was neatly combed and his pajamas nicely pressed.
“What happened?” Jeff asked with surprise. “Telephone operators as supposed to be as sexy as their voices.”
“Son, don’t ever marry a telephone operator,” the man groaned. “All I heard last night was her nasal voice saying, ‘Your three minutes are up, your three minutes are up’.”
Jeff returned to his desk, sure that the teacher’s husband would be calling at any moment.
Finally, at 4 p.m., the teacher’s husband called for breakfast.
Jeff couldn’t believe it, but quickly took the breakfast to the couple’s room. When the man opened the door, Jeff stepped back in shock. The man was wearing only a pair of boxers, his hair was a mess, and there were scratches all over his chest, arms and legs.
“My goodness sir, what happened to you?” Jeff asked, fearing the worst. “Did you have a fight?”
The man, grinning from ear to ear, happily replied, “No. Son, when you marry be sure it’s to a school teacher. All I heard last night was her sexy, smooth voice saying, ‘We’re going to do this over, and over, and over again, until we get it right’.”
Paying The Price
William and Mildred decided to celebrate their 40th wedding anniversary with a trip to Las Vegas. William went to the front desk to check them in while Mildred stayed with the car.
As he was leaving the lobby, a young woman dressed in a very short skirt introduced herself as Candie. William brushed her off.
When William and Mildred got to their room, he told her that he'd been approached by a prostitute.
"I don't believe you," laughed Mildred.
"I'll prove it," said William. He called down to the desk and asked for Candie to come to room 1217.
"Now," he said, "you hide in the bathroom with the door open just enough to hear us."
Soon, there was a knock on the door. Candie walked in, swirling her hips provocatively. "So, I see you're interested after all," she said.
William asked, "How much do you charge?"
"$125 basic rate, $100 tips for special services."
William was taken aback. "$125! I was thinking more in the range of $25."
Candie laughed. "You must really be an old-timer if you think you can buy sex for that price."
"Well," said William, "I guess we can't do business. Goodbye."
After she left, Mildred came out of the bathroom. "I just can't believe it."
William said, "Let's go have a drink and forget it. "
Back downstairs at the bar, the old couple sipped their cocktails.
Candie came up behind William, pointed at Mildred, and said, "See what you get for $25?"
Male Logic
Woman: Do you drink beer?
Man: Yes
Woman: How many beers a day?
Man: Usually about 3.
Woman: How much do you pay per beer?
Man: $5.00 which includes a tip.
(This is where it gets scary !)
Woman: And how long have you been drinking?
Man: About 20 years, I suppose.
Woman: So a beer costs $5 and you have 3 beers a day which puts your spending each month at $450. In one year, it would be approximately $5400 correct?
Man: Correct.
Woman: If in 1 year you spend $5400, not accounting for inflation, the past 20 years puts your spending at $108,000, correct?
Man: Correct.
Woman: Do you know that if you didn’t drink so much beer, that money could have been put in a step-up interest savings account and after accounting for compound interest for the past 20 years, you could have now bought a Ferrari?
Man: Do you drink beer?
Woman: No.
Man: Where’s your Ferrari?
How you got HIV, my love?
This is the story about a boy and a girl. They met at a college where they studied together. Boy was rich and the girl belonged to a normal middle class family. They were best friends and shared everything with each other. By the end of the college they realized that they loved each other and couldn’t live without each other.
After college they told everything to their parents. Both of their parents were happy for their children and were together with them in their decision to get married. They didn’t cared about the girl being middle class. One day both of them went some place to have fun and on the way to return home back they had to face a huge accident.
They had not even thought of that. They were only happy in their own life but no one had even imagined that they had to go through that. The girl was badly injured and was taken to the hospital. She needed the blood as most of the blood was lost due to the accident. There was shortage of blood in the hospital which matched her but it was the co-incident that the boy’s blood matched. He was ready to give blood and was taken for taste. There was another huge stroke for him,doctors told him that he was found HIV+ while testing.
He had no idea what to do then he remembered once he had taken blood from a general hospital and it was the carelessness of that hospital due to which he had HIV. His life was ruined there was nothing he could do. He decided not to tell his love because he knew that if she came to know she wouldn’t be able to live. So he left her in the hospital after arranging the blood.
After the operation she asked for him but he wasn’t there. She was shocked to hear that he left her alone forever and she was not ready to believe. Her parents told her that it is due to there poorness he left her. After few days she came to know the truth and her love for him grew deeper. She went back to him and they started living together.
After college they told everything to their parents. Both of their parents were happy for their children and were together with them in their decision to get married. They didn’t cared about the girl being middle class. One day both of them went some place to have fun and on the way to return home back they had to face a huge accident.
They had not even thought of that. They were only happy in their own life but no one had even imagined that they had to go through that. The girl was badly injured and was taken to the hospital. She needed the blood as most of the blood was lost due to the accident. There was shortage of blood in the hospital which matched her but it was the co-incident that the boy’s blood matched. He was ready to give blood and was taken for taste. There was another huge stroke for him,doctors told him that he was found HIV+ while testing.
He had no idea what to do then he remembered once he had taken blood from a general hospital and it was the carelessness of that hospital due to which he had HIV. His life was ruined there was nothing he could do. He decided not to tell his love because he knew that if she came to know she wouldn’t be able to live. So he left her in the hospital after arranging the blood.
After the operation she asked for him but he wasn’t there. She was shocked to hear that he left her alone forever and she was not ready to believe. Her parents told her that it is due to there poorness he left her. After few days she came to know the truth and her love for him grew deeper. She went back to him and they started living together.
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